(This is PART 1 of a free series to support you during this period)
‘Stay positive’. ‘Use this time productively’. ‘Try to be grateful’…
I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot the past few weeks. While this advice can be useful, here’s what else I want you to know:
1. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling
Maybe you’re upset? Angry? Worried? There’s no need to squash these emotions down inside.
You can know intellectually that social distancing is for the greater good, but still allow yourself to feel sad and disappointed that things you were looking forward to have been cancelled.
Maybe you’re feeling optimistic? Happy? Excited? There’s no need to feel guilty or ashamed about feeling that way. You feeling bad does not mean that other people stop feeling bad. (It’s actually the opposite, and you feeling good has a ripple effect. The world could really use your upbeat energy right now.)
Most of us are accustomed to judging some of our feelings as ‘wrong’ and trying to minimise them. We ignore, suppress and deny them - usually by distracting ourselves and staying busy.
But experiencing a range of emotions is normal and healthy. It’s part of being human. There’s no need to intellectually understand nor rationalise away whatever you're feeling.
All of your feelings are valid, so give yourself permission to feel them. Sit in silence, and tune into what you’re actually feeling inside - even if doing so is uncomfortable. Allow the feeling without judgement. Cry if you need to. Punch your bed. Scream into a pillow.
2. It’s acceptable to do nothing
It’s okay for you to spend an entire day in bed if you want to. To binge watch Netflix. To order takeaway instead of cooking.
You don’t need to ‘do’ or ‘achieve’ anything right now.
Maybe you’re feeling inspired and motivated to learn a new language, begin creative projects, bake your own bread… but maybe you’re not. And that’s completely fine.
Your worth isn’t in any way linked to your output. This is a false belief that most of us have internalised. So we overcommit, push our bodies beyond their limits, burn ourselves out with constant ‘doing’.
Slowing down, stopping, resting... does not mean that you are ‘lazy’.
It’s okay not to be ‘productive’ right now.
It’s okay if you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t want to start anything new.
Do what you WANT, not what you feel like you ‘should’ be doing.
3. It’s okay to respond however you are responding
We’re collectively going through a traumatic experience.
No matter how you are managing it, know that you are doing the best job that you can right now.
Our primitive human brains are concerned with survival, and when we believe that is threatened, of course we respond with panic and concern.
If we felt powerless and unsafe in our childhood, we might attempt to control certain things to create a sense of stability and power over our lives.
We might be responding to the crisis by stockpiling extra goods, strictly monitoring what we eat, or obsessively seeking out more information on the virus. It’s normal to cling to certainty and control when so much is new and unknown.
Try to be gentle, understanding and compassionate with yourself and with others at this time.