20-something-year-old me wanted to work as cabin crew (a flight attendant). I love travel, I enjoy hospitality work, I prefer change over routine. The job would provide all of those things. However, I let that dream fall by the wayside as I pursued other dreams and ideas.
Fast forward a decade, and I decided to reinvigorate that vision.
I just spent weeks in full time (unpaid!) cabin crew training, learning challenging drills and procedures, sitting exams almost every day, completing practical assessments on land and in water, adhering to strict grooming guidelines for hair and makeup.
I was diligent and I achieved 100% on my exams.
I invested a lot of time, energy and money.
And at the end of it all... I turned down the job offer.
After all of that work, I walked away with nothing.
Why? Because what was right for 26 year old me doesn’t suit 36 year old me.
With the benefit of life experience that comes with age, I could see what I would have been committing to: Working 50+ hour weeks. Earning below minimum wage as an hourly rate. Shift work that would negatively impact my health.
I queried the contract details with this company. I asked questions about legislation, exemptions, industry standards. I did my due diligence and realised the environment was exploitative.
But the younger candidates in my training group? They signed the contract without hesitation. They had invested so much in the training; they didn’t even consider turning down a job.
And so, I then decided, I had to sign the contract too.
I had to commence employment there… for these younger staff. I had to be there with them, to stick up for and protect them, to fight for their rights.
∆ ∆ ∆
This is a big pattern in my life: sacrificing myself in order to help others.
Perhaps you do the same?
If you grew up with toxic or abusive parents or caregivers, this is a common behaviour. We learn to try and meet the needs of an unsafe adult in our lives, in an attempt to stay safe. Our focus is on other people, rather than ourselves. We learn to take care of others irrespective of the cost to us.
But today, I walked into the manager’s office and declined the job.
I broke that pattern of self-sacrifice.
I chose me.
I allowed those younger staff the opportunity to learn their own lessons, rather than attempting to ‘save’ them.
I recognised that I have changed, and a former dream is no longer aligned with what’s best for me.
∆ ∆ ∆
So I encourage you to reflect, too:
Do you feel as though putting your own needs before others is selfish?
Do you think of others more than yourself?
Is it easier for you to do something for someone else, rather than watch them struggle with it?
If so, you’re definitely not alone. Breaking these patterns of behaviour can take time, but I believe in you. I’m here beside you on this journey through life, healing and growing too.
Much love,
Melinda xx
P.S. If you’d like support on your journey healing from self-sacrifice and the many other impacts unhealthy parenting has on us as adults, check out my popular course, ‘Release & Rise: Transform Your Trauma’
